Crossing the Pacific

Locked Cubicles and Famous Hawaiians | 14 Oct 2005

Morning

Busy last couple of weeks. Long weekend in Sydney was good. Stayed with mate Grant in north west Sydney. Hardly classified as Sydney though. It was so far out I'm sure I saw an aboriginal on walkabout in the backyard. We went out to a 'local' bar. Decided I needed to use the bathroom. Off I went. Urinal is full, off to a cubicle. lock the door, go about my business (selling stocks of course). Try to get out. Can't get out. Panic sets in. The lock has somehow become jammed an I am stuck in a festering outback bar dunnie. I was a broken man. I continue to work away at the lock, turning it both ways, only to lock it even more. I nearly cried. Managed to free myself after about 5 minutes.

This bar was also the first time I had ever seen queueing to buy drinks. It wasn't a mad scramble, elbows everywhere, where you'd punch your own mother to get served before her. These aussies queued up in an orderly fashion that would have put the british to shame. I had no idea and pushed past everyone only to get odd looks like "what's this cobber on about". Unfortunately this is where the aussie manners ended. A girl bumped into me whilst carrying drinks and told me to "Watch where i was f*ckin goin". She received an unusually abrupt "f*ck off" from me. Most uncharacteristic. I did feel like a cornered wombat with all these aussies around. A guy noticed and said to me "f*ckin women. No manners." We then had a 15 minute conversation on women not knowing their place. Craig, you would have loved to have sat in on this one.

Went to the Australia vs World XI test on Monday. Only saw 1.5 hours of play. Vettori. Duck. Harmisson. Golden Duck. Muralitharan. Duck. Tits.

Hawaii was all good. Weather was nice. Went an saw the lava flow. Got within a metre, but damn that stuff is hot. yeah, you heard it hear first. The guide took me on this crazy run through the lava to find some more interesting flows. We got caught in a dead end and my shoes started to melt. We ran away.

First night in Hilo went to a bar, sat down, had a beer. This old hawaiian guy starts talking to me. tells me his name is Buddy Fo and he is the entertainment at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel in Waikiki. He is 73 and "famous in hawaii". Righto. He said I was "very intelligent". No sh*t sherlock. And would "go on to greatness". He must have been drinking too much kava. Strange man. We talked fora about 2 hours. Interesting experience.

In New York now. First night wandering down the street. More guys holding hands than the Takapuna Normal Intermediate folk dancing class. The place was gayer than the 1954 Little Bookham Youth Club Dance which was advertised as "Come and have a gay old time". More sausage than the Hans Freckenstarkens Boedervorst factory. You get the idea. Read today that Chelsea has a "thriving gay community". It's not bloody thriving, it's f*ckin takin over!

Enough. Off to see some stuff. Got a ticket to the NY Rangers v Pittsburgh Penguins NHL on the 7th November.

Locations Visited: Sydney, Hilo

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