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The Costa Del Sol Package Tour

One of the great random stories |

Rich and I decided to take one of the £200 package stories to the Costa Del Sol and live like a chav on holiday for a few days.

Unfortunately we turned up at the hotel and it was full of over 50's and families with little kids. Not an 18 year old daughter in sight.

I've told this story so many times, I hope I can do it justice in the written word:

First day we walked from the hotel to the only shops remotely close to the hotel to buy some beer. It was closed. We popped into the restaurant next door to ask when the store opened and Leroy got talking to the owner, David. Leroy asked where was good to go out in the area. "You come back tomorrow at 11 o'clock and I will take you out."

We discussed this proposition, firstly whether he meant 11pm or 11am, we guessed the latter but weren't positive, and secondly whether he meant to tie us up and perform lued acts. Richie was for this, I wasn't so much.

Unperturbed by this potential risk we had a few drinks that night and turned up. We jumped in the car with David and his wife Momi and headed off to fuck knows where.

First bar, packed, walk in, up to the bar, free drinks. Sweet.

Second bar, no one in it, but the waitress was one of the more famous porn stars in Spain, unfortunately the photo only does her rack justice, and more free drinks.

Turns out David knows the managers and owners at a lot of bars in the area and lets them eat for free at his restaurant in turn for free nights out.

By this stage it's about 3am and Rich and I are knackered and pissed. "just one more bar" David says.

We drive into a commercial estate, not unlike that off Constellation Drive on the Shore. My spidey sense is tingling, or rather it would be soon...

Wandering around the corner there is a massive queue for a club and it has a 15 euro cover charge. We bypass the queue, bypass the cover charge, and are escourted to a VIP seating area. Along the way Richie and I could not help but noticed the dancers in little santa suits pole dancing. 3 waiters arrive with trays of beer, whole bottles of spirits, and mixers. All free. The place was packed with p... with girls. All Spanish, all hot. Richie and I considered asking for a change of shirt as ours were covered with dribble. I suspect they may have had spare shirts out back for just such occurences.

I pull out the camera and start taking photos. Evidence included. The manager comes up to us, takes our camera and motions for us to follow him. Oh crap. We thought we were gonna be kicked out. He takes us behind the bar, through a couple of corridors and knocks on a door. I assumed two giant black men would appear, but lo, out come four of the dancers in santa suits. Stunned. Absolutely stunned.

Richie and I were in a state of eurphoria for 2 weeks. It's amazing what hot women can do to the male mind. We are so shallow.

Got back to the hotel about 6am. A 'Top 5' night for sure.

Next day took the bus to Rhonda up in the mountains. Real nice town, but the bus ride did not do our stomach's any good. Cold sweat's and a rush to the McDonald's bathroom when we finally arrived.

A ramdon trip.

Locations Visited: Marbella, Ronda

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