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Lord of the Campervans

The Campervan Escapade |

Another email, but this time it's more for my own good. I believe that within two years my neuro-connections will be so depleted from excessive alcohol that I will be unable to remember what I have done (or so Paul would advise me). So see this as part of my long term treatment for brain dysfunction, rather than a boring email. No real funny stories or photos this time unfortunately.

Week touring the South Island in a campervan with Tom Kimber of the Glenfield Strutting Collective. Unreal scenery.

Tom felt it a good idea every time I needed to get up when we were driving to slam on the brake and send me flying around the campervan. Revenge was sweet. On the approach to Arthur's Pass Tom felt decided to take a leak in our campervan toilet as it may be a long drive. The fool left the keys in the ignition. I jump over, rev the engine a "what are you doing?!!" squeal emanates from the bathroom. I accelerate, then brake quickly. Thumping is heard, followed by screams as undoubtedly the chemical toilet was open and who knows what was sloshing around. More screams. Tom comes out, piss all over him. Advantage Jim.

Mt Cook, Wanaka, Queenstown, Te Anau, Invercargill, Bluff, Mt Aspiring, Fox and Franz Josef Glaciers, Greymouth, and Authurs Pass. Jam packed full of visual stimulation, (un)fortunately all of it related to the land, not that I was looking at anything else Kylee. The South Island consists of 4 women all of which I believe are cousins. I guess all other women are either exported by accident with the lamb or are about as effeminate as a Silverback Gorilla talking about rugby whilst watching p*rn. Again, not that it mattered. We were too busy being dazzled by nature in all its glory of course.

In Queenstown we manages to score a free helicopter ride to the top of the Remarkables through a mate of Tom's, as well as discounted White Water Rafting. Feeling Aucklanders may be persona non grata down south we assumed the guise of sheepfarmers from Northland for the trip. We steered clear of anyone who had worked on a farm that might blow our cover.

I know there are more stories to tell but my brain is already struggling. Pub quiz last night. Won a pair of stubbies (short shorts) which I ended up being made to walk around the bar in to the cheers and clapping of all. Scored myself a free pint so it wasn't all bad.

Week still in NZ then off to Sydney. ETA back in the UK is the 10th November at this stage.

haere rä

Locations Visited: Christchurch, Wanaka, Queenstown, Invercargill, Greymouth

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