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Five Go Mad in Lund

Sweden has so much to offer |

Hey lads and ladies

Well the weekend just past the 102nd New Zealand Airborne Firefighters (Grant, Richie, Jeremy, Jimmy and myself) went on an excursion to Sweden. Hilarity ensued.

Incidentally, we have the above story down to a fine art....

The Airborne Firefighter are an elite volunteer division of the NZ Fire Brigade. We fight forest fires on the front line. The general principle is we repel from helicopters directly into the heart of the fire and fight it on ground zero. It is dangerous, but extremely rewarding. We all have day jobs, but get called up from all around the country and are flown to the scene. There's not much work fighting forest fires in the UK so we have had to look into other vocations.

Sounds ridiculous? Well girls all over europe are buying it and loving it.

Anyway, I digress.

We left London Saturday morning at 4am for a 7am flight from Stansted to Malmo. We took a coach to a random town called Lund and attempted to find accommodation - we stayed in one of only two hotels that were open. Much alcohol was purchased and the drinking, card playing, and drinking games began at 4pm.

Whilst playing cards Richie decides he hasn't been nude in Europe so proceeds to get up on the bed and moon Grant from 2 feet (photo to follow). He then produces a move now dubbed "The Poker Face" by displaying his nuts during a game to distract Jimmy who was sitting opposite.

We went out about 10pm and got some dinner, then were drinking at the bar. Richie and I are talking to a couple of Swedish sisters when Jimmy joins us:

"Girl's I'd like you to meet our friend Jimmy. He's a mute."

Jimmy grins. Straight faces all round. Complete confusion on the girls faces. You had to be there I guess.

We went to the only club after that. Richie is talking to some other young Swedish ladies when I join him and the conversation of occupation comes up. Breaking from tradition, and to my complete chagrin, Richie says:

"I'm a pipefitter and Jim is a welder."

A f*ckin welder! I tell ya, if looks could kill...I just turned and walked away.

In a turn of events that can only be described as sweetest karma, Richie runs up to me: "Jim! Jim! That girl asked if I was gay?!"

I walked up to the girl and she asks "Is you friend gay?"

"Yes. Yes he is."

A Wookie call was heard to emanate from Richie. I took pity on him "No, he's not really gay. Just a good dancer."

I know the question Mark Peters (and probably Peter
Mitchell) has been thinking since he read we went to Sweden, and the answer is...I ain't sayin nothin you gossipy little b*tch.

Everyone separated and got back to the hotel at various times. The last of us at 4am. A 24hr effort if you don't count the 1hr time difference. OK, its not 24hrs, but it sounds impressive.

Sunday we took the train to Malmo and looked around.

Everything was closed so we went to the movies and watched Oceans 12 with Swedish subtitles.


That was a long one. Apologises. hopefully you found some humour in there somewhere. We sure as hell did.

Locations Visited: Lund, Malmo

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